An Award And A Request

Sadly, it is Sunday night, which means that the weekend is over. However as tragic at that is, I do have some good news to share with you all that should provide a modicum of happiness and quell your misery somewhat. I have been awarded the Liebster Blog Award, which means some other lucky bloggers will also be receiving an award tonight! Huzzah!

Read This Post to Add Drama

Somewhere in a little corner of the internet

In a blog where nothing really happens

I placed a video, and waited for someone to watch it.

Take note, this is how you advertise, people.

And the Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth

I am a geek and proud of it.

Now what exactly is a geek, you might ask? Sure, most people have heard the word before; it is often used as a derogatory term that is interchangeable with words like nerd, dweeb and dork. However, nowadays more and more people are viewing the word “geek“ in a positive light, and it has even become a source of pride for some people, like myself.

You’re Such a Hypnic Jerk!

I had a five second dream the other night. It consisted of me walking and then slipping on the curb of a sidewalk, followed by that gut-wrenching, heart-stopping feeling that you are about to fall. Of course, seeing as I was in bed, I wasn’t actually falling, but my body wasn’t going to have any of that, of course, and it decided to jerk all crazily in an attempt to keep itself upright, which doesn’t make sense because I wasn’t upright to begin with. In any case, I was violently awoken by all the fuss and was left with my heart pounding away in my chest as if I had just narrowly cheated death somehow. I hate it when this happens.

Perhaps you have experienced this occurrence yourselves? Roughly 70 percent of people do after all. This occurrence has a name you know, and that name is hypnagogic myoclonic twitch. But that’s a bit of a mouthful, so people usually just refer to it as a “hypnic jerk”.  Not to be confused with a “hippie jerk”, which is an entirely different issue.

I love that its name sounds like an insult. I can shake my fist in outrage at it yelling “You damn hypnic jerk!” and it feels like I’ve managed to put it in its place. It’s very satisfying.

Now you may be wondering why these damn hypnic jerks even occur in the first place. Well, apparently the experts are still not completely sure why the body does this, but they believe it to be a natural part of the sleeping process. They believe that as the muscles begin to relax and go slack right as you are falling asleep, the brain can misinterpret this and think you’re falling down. Then it basically freaks out. In an attempt to save you from falling, the brain sends signals to the muscles in your arms and legs and gives them a big ol’ twitch, thus awakening you from your sound slumber.

Now I’d like to know why the brain is misinterpreting these signals in the first place. Is it just too lazy to put forth the effort? Is it just a weird short-circuit that takes place? Or is it something more sinister? Maybe the brain is the real jerk here and it just enjoys kicking us awake just as we’re about to nod off. Yeah, that’s probably it. You heard it here first, folks. Our brains are little sadists. What’s even worse is that apparently hypnic jerks occur more frequently in people who are uncomfortable and having trouble sleeping, or in those who are already sleep deprived to begin with. See? Only a sadistic jerk would trick an insomniac into waking up, just as he or she was falling asleep.

Well then, it looks like the so-called “experts” have been fooled in the end. Our brains aren’t making us spasm to “save us from falling”. They’re just assholes.

Oh and lookie here! Another brain that's a jerk. Coincidence? I think not.

 

 

I Think This is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

Well let’s see, it’s been two days now since my last post. I feel naughty guilty. When I started this blog, I told myself I’m going to post something everyday, no matter what! Even if I don’t feel like it, even if it doesn’t make sense, even if it’s not very good, blah, blah, blah.

I lied, apparently. But know what? While I do feel a little bad for not keeping my promise to myself, I also feel so much better about this whole blog thing. It was really starting to feel like a chore that had to be done or else! Or else what, you might ask? I don’t know, honestly. It was just kind of a vague threat to try to keep myself motivated. Because there’s nothing scarier to a person with a vivid imagination, like myself, than a vague threat after all. It was like Oooo, what’s gonna happen if I don’t write? Probably nothing; but maybe, just maybe, something might happen. Something bad… Yes, all my vivid imagination came up with was “something bad”. Go figure.

But recently, I started to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be bad at all. Maybe it would be, dare I say, good? I know, I know, the detail and the imagery in this post are astounding aren’t they? I really amaze myself sometimes. I think I should take it up a notch though. So…

Hmmm, interesting, I thought to myself as I stroked my non-existent beard, as one does when one finds something interesting. What could happen if I don’t write for a day or two? Maybe I’d return to find my blog a barren wasteland, devoid of followers who had lost faith in me for not returning. On the other hand, maybe I’d return to find people clamouring for more, desperate for some more of my random ramblings.  Or maybe neither of these things. The possibilities were endless. That’s right, in my world, endless possibilities is equivalent to three.

I was a little hesitant to return, fearful of what I might find… Not really, actually. I mean, it was only two days, so I really didn’t expect anything to change. And I was right. The End.

Oh wait, I forgot to say that the point of all this is that now I feel better about missing a day or two here and there. So in the future, please don’t expect to hear from me every day. I know, it’s sad. You’re allowed to shed one tear of grief, but then you need to be strong. I’ll be back after all. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life! (insert ominous laugh) Here’s looking at you, kid – er, I mean, dear readers!

Essential Tips for a Successful Interview

Almost everyone goes through at least one interview in their lifetime and it can be a stressful event, even for the most well-prepared of people. I myself have been through several of these oh-so-fun experiences and have learned many useful tips in the process.

There are subtle ways of influencing an interviewer into seeing you as a great potential candidate, whether you are or not. Just follow these 6 easy tips and there’s no way you can lose.

***

1. Prepping for the interview

Before even heading out the door, it is important to prepare yourself for your interview. While casual clothing, like your tattered jeans and your humorous novelty t-shirt, are comfortable and awesome looking, it is best to dress in business, or at least business-casual attire. Otherwise, the interviewer will become jealous of your comfy and stylish clothing and they may not hire you out of spite. In addition, be sure to have minty fresh breath in case the interviewer is a close-talker, or in case they fall in love with you and want to have an impromptu make-out session (this is a good sign that you’ll be hired).

Dress as stylish as this guy, and you too can work in a green office with a ghost and a snazzy conference room.

2. The handshake

This is your first point of contact with your interviewer. It can make or break the whole thing. When the interviewer offers you his or her hand, this is not a signal to give them a high-five. In addition it would be against your best interest to slip them some cash (at this point anyway; get a better feel for them first). Just give them a nice firm handshake; not limp, like a gross dead fish, flopping into their hand. Conversely, breaking all the bones in the interviewer’s hand with your iron grip may seem like a good idea at first – it shows how strong you are after all – but this is also ill-advised. You don’t want to make the interviewer feel inferior after all.

3. Take a seat

When the interviewer offers you a seat, I advise against taking their chair home with you. It is nice of them to offer it to you and all, but it’s more of a token gesture than anything else. Just wait for the them to offer it to you and then sit down. This conveys that you are declining to take the chair as a gift, but still shows that you like it and find it comfortable. It is considered impolite to do otherwise.

4. The questions

Most interviewers like to begin by asking you to tell them about yourself. This is your chance to shine. While some people like to go on at length about their amazing life experiences and accomplishments, like the time you ate 30 hot dogs without vomiting, or the time you blacked out and woke up naked in a strange apartment with a hobo, a chihuahua and 20 cartons of eggs, it’s best if you stick to the boring events regarding your education, training and work experience. The interviewer will be wanting to read all the exciting stories on your Facebook page later anyway, so they don’t want to be spoiled beforehand.

For the rest of the questions, just tell them exactly what they want to hear. For example:

• Why do you want to work for us? Because you are the best at what you do and it’s been my life’s dream to work for this company. (I find that flattery can go a long way here; you might want to throw in words like “magnificent”, “amazing”, and “outstanding”)
• Where do you see yourself in five years? I sincerely hope that I still work for this breathtaking company (again, flattery) without having received a raise or a promotion. (Any mention of them not having to spend more money on you is a bonus)
• Tell me your greatest strength. My greatest strength is that I get things done no matter what. I will move mountains, part the seas, dig valleys and plant forests if need be to reach my goal. (Usage of hyperbole can be a nice way to show your creativity).
• Tell me your greatest weakness. My greatest weakness is that I’m too humble. I’m the perfect employee after all, but I am never able to admit it. (The trick here is to take a positive aspect of yourself and make it sound negative. This will catch the interviewer off guard because they’ve most likely never come across this tactic before)

5. Eye contact

It is important to maintain eye contact at all times. This is crucial in an interview. If you keep looking at the floor or the ceiling, the interviewer will either become distracted and curious about what you seem to be studying so intently and start studying it themselves – they’re only human, after all – or they will think you’re hiding something, such as the fact that you’re slightly cross-eyed. It’s better to just get it out in the open right from the start; they might even feel pity for you and give you bonus points for it.

6. Your questions

It is always best to have a question or two to ask the interviewer at the end. To not ask questions shows that you’ve understood everything completely and are now showing off your intelligence to the interviewer. They don’t like that. Just play dumb and ask them to repeat something they already explained in detail, such as the duties of the position. Another option is to ask a strange convoluted question such as “If this company was a train travelling at 100 mph, and your rival company was a bus travelling at 80 mph, which one is more likely to crash and burn?” This will likely confuse the interviewer, but they will also respect you for challenging their intellect in such a manner.

***

And there you have it, dear readers! The next time you have an interview, follow these guidelines and you can’t go wrong. To deviate from these however is sure to lead to certain disaster, so tread carefully my friends.

Oh, and as a last tip, remember to smile… even if your grin makes you look like the Joker who’s about to kill Batman. It’s still better than your usual blank stare that makes you look like the voices are talking to you again.

I wish you the best of luck in all your future interviews. Unless I’m going for the same position as well. In that case, I wish you to fail miserably.

You’re All My Liebster Friends!

For all of those wondering, it was intentional that I used “liebster” and not “lobster” in the title.

“Liebster” is a German word for “dearest” or “beloved”, therefore you’re all my beloved friends, and are not in fact my lobster friends.

But if you want to be my lobster friends, that’s fine too. I don’t discriminate against crustaceans.

The reason you’re all my liebster (and lobster) friends is that you always know how to make me smile and I enjoy making all of you smile.  Smiles for everyone!

Also, I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Blog Award! Maybe I should have said that first. It would have made more sense… Oh well.  In addition, I’ve also been nominated for the Versatile Blogger award!  I am now especially smiley today because tadams4u from Laughing at Everyday Life saw fit to nominate me for these 2 (!) awards!

I am always flattered and honoured to be nominated. You get that nice, warm, fuzzy feeling inside when you realize that people actually read and enjoy your writing! It’s a great feeling and I love passing on that feeling to others, I really do. But sometimes the little rules attached to these awards can seem a little tedious. A little fun too, but still tedious. So I choose to look at them more as guidelines than anything else; you can follow as much or as little of them as you want. I figure as long as you’re sincere in your gratitude and in your own nominations, then that’s all that matters.  :)

The awards I received are the Liebster Blog Award, which is awarded to bloggers with less than 200 followers who need a little extra recognition:

And the Versatile Blogger Award (Hooray! My second one!), which is basically awarded to any blog that you enjoy:

Now here are the rules for these lovely awards:

Versatile Blogger Award :

1. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers  (or as many as you deem worthy)
2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination. 
3. Share 7  things about yourself. 
4. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to them. 
5. Add the “Versatile Blogger Award” pic to your blog post. 

Liebster Blog Award :

1. Again, thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
2. Nominate 5 other blogs with less than 200 followers (I think I’m going to take a page from tadams4u’s book and roll this one together with the Versatile Blogger Award lol)
3. Let the nominees know about said nomination
4. Lastly, add the “Liebster Blog Award” image to your post.

Welp, I better get started. First, I’m going to share 7 things about myself, but since I already did this just a short while ago with my last Versatile Blogger Award, I’m going to go through this at warp speed compared to last time.

1. I can speak French.
2. I’m very quiet and reserved in person. (I like to have an air of mystery around me lol)
3. I hate green peppers.
4. I have brown eyes.
5. I have a dog.
6. I like yoga, but don’t do it as often as I’d like.
7. I have strange sense of humour (in case you hadn’t noticed)

Now onto the nominations. Like I said, I’m rolling both these awards into one, so the nominees shall receive both the Versatile Blogger Award and the Liebster Blog Award (2 for the price of 1!)  I really have no idea how to tell how many followers a blogger has if they opt not to post it, so hopefully those I nominate don’t actually have 1,000 followers or something. If you happen to have more than 200 followers, please don’t be offended that I thought you were just an awesome up-and-coming blogger, and not an awesome, already famous blogger.

The nominees are fairly new discoveries for me and they are all unique in their own way. Some are humorous, some are thought-provoking, some are a mixture of both, but all of them are enjoyable:

• My Life Book
• mooselicker
• Verbatim Gibberish
• A Wilderness Within
• practicallyserious

Well, that meets the Liebster Blog Award quota at least… good enough. Make sure to check out these excellent bloggers and don’t forget to also visit my liebster nominator Laughing at Everyday Life!

Rock on my lobster friends! Rock on!

The Voice of Reason

Woe is me, dear readers! Break out the world’s smallest violin and rosin up its bow. Secure any and all dams for I am about to cry you a river.

Alas, I still cannot for the life of me think of something to blog about. I tried writing a haiku yesterday to get the creative juices flowing, but I think my brain is either all dried up or I just have a nasty clog.

I know, I know, today is Easter. I should just write about that, right? Wrong! Wrong, dear readers! There are already hundreds, nay thousands, of blogs and articles specifically dedicated to that very thing out there on the Internet for one to peruse! I refuse to submit to peer pressure and write about it just because everyone else is! It doesn’t matter if it makes for a perfect theme for a post! I’m NOT going to do it! You can’t make me!!! I’m not listening!!!

…

*Ahem*

Now that I’ve calmed down after a time-out in the corner for my little tantrum, I have decided that the best course of action is to listen to the Voice of Reason. Reason is smart and will help me find something to write about.

So, Reason, what do you have to say?

Well, first of all Chris, do you realize that you are now currently writing a post about not being able to think of something to post about, which is easily just as common, if not more so, than posts about Easter? After all, there are many, many posts with people bemoaning their inability to write and those are written all year long.

Well, I –

Secondly, this isn’t even your first time writing about this!! You already mentioned yesterday’s haiku, but what about the time you wrote about nothing happening while you were searching in vain for something to write about? Do you even think before you start typing? Do you?

I do, but –

I don’t think you realize how whiny you sound! “Wah wah wah, I can’t think of anything! Why oh why won’t interesting things happen to me? Why can’t I spin out thrilling and humorous tales on a daily basis?”  That’s you! That’s what you sound like! Why must everything be so dramatic with you, huh? Why can’t you just write like a normal person!?! Whyyy?!?! I can’t take it anymore! Just sit down, shut up, and stop wallowing in self-pity already!!!! ARRGGHH!

…

Well dear readers, the Voice of Reason is not being reasonable anymore, therefore it is taking a turn in the corner for a time-out. I apologize for its outburst. I guess I should avoid this whole topic of conversation in the future, lest the Voice of Reason decide to come and silence me… permanently. (cue dramatic music)

However, seeing as how the Voice of Reason is a part of me, silencing me would in essence silence IT as well. Ha! Joke’s on it then!

So after all of this, I never did come up with a proper topic to post about. However I did get to ramble insanely for a while, and isn’t that what blogging is truly all about, dear readers?

Writer’s Block

♦ ♦ ♦

Sometimes blogs are hard.

Haikus can be fun stand-ins.

I lied. They cannot.

♦ ♦ ♦

Sakura (Photo credit: sa-pi)

Mr. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy

Hello once again, dear readers. Today I would like to introduce you to someone. This is, as dubbed by the Internet, Mr. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy:

(Photo Source: KnowYourMeme.com)

Isn’t he pretty? This photo was taken only a week ago, on March 31st, and it’s already gone viral online. Actually this was the original photo:

He does stand out in a crowd...

Just look at him, dear readers! While everyone around him is sweaty and all red in the face from exertion (you know, like normal people?) he somehow manages to look like he’s in the middle of modelling for a Nike ad or something. While it is possible, even probable, that he is also sweating and red in the face, his beaming smile and shining eyes make any imperfection invisible to the camera.

Some people have got it really good; it’s just impossible to take a bad photo of them. They can be hung over, covered in their own vomit (or even other people’s vomit) and dressed in a paper bag yet somehow, they still manage to look magnificent in photos. Don’t you just hate those people sometimes?

I know in my case, I’m the complete opposite of photogenic. I’m always the one in pictures with my eyes half closed or with some weird expression on my face that only seems to appear right as the picture is being taken. And I know I’m not the only one out there who suffers from this sad affliction. We just can’t all be as ridiculously photogenic as Zeddie Little (that’s the guy’s name; even his name is somehow photogenic, whether that makes sense or not). C’est la vie, I guess…

And apparently, everyone online  has fallen in love with this guy (including me – just look at that radiant smile!), which of course means that they chose to express their love through the magic of Photoshop. Here are a few examples that I found:

 

He was even in the newspaper:

So Mr. Ridiculously Photogenic Guy, I salute you for becoming famous by smiling at the camera. (Who would have guessed that was possible?) However, one of the pitfalls of fame is getting an inflated ego, which is so very unattractive. So, as a favour to you, I’m going to give you something to keep your head from swelling and becoming ugly:

Remember this and you can be beautiful forever...

Now don’t worry Mr. Ridiculously Photogenic guy. We don’t actually hate you, right dear readers? It just the little green devil called Envy For Not Being As Photogenic As You (the name just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?) that makes us think we do sometimes.